"If SHE could just change" by Brad Hodges

RECAP:  Every couple at some point complains, “We do the same things over and over and over again!”  When a marriage gets wedged in a monotonous rut , the vacuum of intimacy sucks each spouse dry.  It is exhausting and draining.  

In these "marriage humdrum" blog entries, we’ll look at a bunch of different warning signs that will help us identify marriage pits that most couples drift into.  And, we’ll look at the decisions necessary to having fun again together.

Marriage Humdrum Part 2
When marriage gets wedged in a rut, you can start playing the blame game.  The temptation when describing your marriage problems is to look around at your situation or spouse as the problem to fix.  However, James 4:1-3 tells us:

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you?  Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?  You desire and do not have, so you murder.  You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel.  You do not have, because you do not ask.  You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.

One of the best ways to improve your marriage is to draw a circle around yourself and work on changing everyone inside the circle.

The problem isn't primarily your circumstances or your spouse; it is the selfishness and sinfulness within your own heart.  You are broken and have a part in why your marriage isn't where it should be.

Also, when you look to your wife as the source of a great marriage, you blame her as the source of all your problems.  "If she would just do this."  "If she would understand this, we could move forward."  "If she would just stop saying that, things would be a lot better."

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.  God is love.  Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.   1 John 4:16

We are not the source of life; she is not the source; God is.  No matter how hard I try, I cannot generate, produce, or manufacture love and forgiveness.  It's impossible because we are not the source.  We forgive because He first forgave us.  We love because He first loved us.  He is the only source.

I am the way and the truth and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me.  John 14:6

Jesus is not only the way we come to God, but He's also the way we stay connected to God.  The gospel isn't just for unbelievers; the gospel's also for Christians.  God is our source of power in life, and we connect to Him through a passionate relationship with Jesus Christ.

Do you want to enjoy life with your wife?  It starts by unplugging from her as the source of happiness.  God gave me my wife so she and I could walk through the sometimes grinding life together.  She is my best friend.  But Jesus is my source for sanctification, not Raegan.

So this week, take your finger and point it at your wife.  If she's not present, pretend.  With gusto say, "You're fired!"  Then, take a second and explain what you just did.  You just fired your wife as the source of happiness in your marriage, the source of problems, and the source of life.