"Why does SHE keep ticking me off?" by Brad Hodges

RECAP:  Every couple at some point complains, “We do the same things over and over and over again!”  When a marriage gets wedged in a monotonous rut , the vacuum of intimacy sucks each spouse dry.  It is exhausting and draining.  

In these "marriage humdrum" blog entries, we’ll look at a bunch of different warning signs that will help us identify marriage pits that most couples drift into.  And, we’ll look at the decisions necessary to having fun again together.

Marriage Humdrum Part 6
When a marriage gets wedged in a rut, somebody is going to get angry.

I can immediately think of a handful of instances in my marriage when my blood has boiled over in anger directed at my wife.  In most cases I kept a lid on it, and my response was at the worst - mildly passive.  The other times though, I've struck out with hurtful accusations that I regret.  Whether I have unresolved anger or I lash out in wrongful anger in the moment...in hindsight -- it's always a heart issue.

Is your heart open or closed?

The answer to that question determines everything about your life and marriage.  A closed heart is numb, detached, distant, and angry.  An open heart feels safe, non-threatened, and willing to share.

Unresolved anger is like drinking poison expecting the other person to get sick.  It only hurts you, not the other person.  Also, you never bury anger dead.  You always bury it alive.  This can result in passing this anger on or taking it out on your wife or kids.

We must resolve our anger.  The perceived issue is rarely the root issue.  Receive forgiveness from the True Source of life (Jesus) and then give it freely to every person who has ever hurt you.

Anger has three primary sources: hurt, fear, and frustration.  Anger is a secondary emotion.  You always feel something before you get angry.  Those feelings are amplified when your heart is closed.

Proverbs 4:23 says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."

When you're stuck and your heart is closed, your marriage suffers.  You have only one heart.  It's the same heart that worships God, loves your spouse, and cares for your kids.  Keep it open.

No one has a right to be angry more than God.  He is holy and just and hates our sin.  But, He's also long-suffering, loving, and full of grace.  That's why He sent Jesus to pay the just penalty of death for us!  Then he rose again exalted as King.  Jesus is your Savior, but is He your King?  Do you know Him?  Does He know you?


Below are a few actions points to apply this to your marriage:

• Talk with your wife.  Apologize for any past mistakes or rudeness.  Discuss better ways to communicate.  Express understanding that neither of you will be perfect, calm, and kind all the time...  We need to yield to God's leadership -- power apart from ourselves to keep this going over time.
• Privately, write a list of typical offenses performed by your wife over which you can choose not to get angry.
• Meditate on and Memorize Proverbs 19:11 - "A person's insight gives him patience, and his virtue is to overlook an offense."  Other good verses from Proverbs: Proverbs 10:12; 15:1; 16:32; 17:1, 9, 14