"The Act of Love" by Chad O

"The Act of Love"

Marital intimacy is both relational and sexual. As we become emotionally intimate with our spouse, sex takes on a whole new dimension--not only the merging of our flesh but the touching of our souls. The Bible describes this act of love between a husband and a wife as "knowing": 

"And Adam knew his wife; and she conceived..."

This oneness is called bonding, or what Dr. Desmond Morris identifies as "...the emotional covenant that links a man and woman together for life...the specialness which sets those two lover apart from every other person on the face of the earth."

Author Richard Exley describes this blessed oneness as "embryonic to begin with." That is, it is true in the spirit of our relationship, but not necessarily of our day-to-day lives. We do not suddenly become "one"  because a minister pronounces us husband and wife. It's a process. It demands time and commitment, not to mention love, understanding, and hard work.

This is the most demanding endeavor I've ever attempted and I can assure you that it is well worth the effort.

Genesis 2:18, 21-25 "...It is not good for man to be alone..." (I'll let you read the rest.)

Praying for you today...

Chad O

Are You Better Or Worse Than Those Around You? by Jonathan Martin

When we think about running our race…are we talking about a competition?

photo credit: ashraful kadir via photopin cc

Is it about me trying to beat or get ahead of you and vice versa?

I think most of us know the answer in our heads…but for those of you who aren't sure…the answer is no.

However, I think that many of us live as if "running the race" is a competition.

We look around at the world and think…we'll at least I'm not that bad.

We look our preachers and teachers (maybe friends that seem "super spiritual) and feel inferior.

Jesus tells a story in Luke 18:9-14 of a tax-collector and a pharisee. The pharisee prays (loudly, I think) thanking God that he, the pharisee, is not like that sinful tax-collector over there. However, the tax-collector prays (quietly and alone) with genuine brokenness asking God to be merciful on him as a sinner.

In the original language, the text [actually] read, "God be merciful to me THE sinner." Not only did he not compare himself favorably with others as the pharisee did; he didn't compare himself at all. He was not concerned with how he measured up with respect to other people. He was concerned with how he measured up before a holy and righteous God. He knew he stood alone before God with his sin, so he pleaded for mercy. 

- Jerry Bridges 

The tax-collector started (and hopefully continued) running his race by looking to Jesus.

We look to Jesus for two reasons and to prevent two major obstacles, laziness and defeat:

• His likeness is what we are trying to obtain - I'm not trying to "be as good as" my neighbor next door, in the next pew, or on stage...I'm trying to "be as good as" Jesus!

That's why Paul says in Philippians 3 that he hasn't already obtained it. Obtained what?

Perfection!

We can become dangerously satisfied in ourselves when we look around and estimate that we are doing "better than average." We can lose the "straining," "pressing on," and the general call to push ourselves with diligence towards Christ that the Word of God compels us towards when we start thinking and comparing in this way. So we look to Jesus as our greatest challenge and His likeness as the greatest goal to obtain.

• His righteousness is already mine - To obtain Christ likeness is a daunting task! Some of us feel defeated simply by looking around us and seeing folks we admire who seem "farther ahead" than we are. How much more defeated does that make us feel when we realize that that person barely scratches the surface of what we should strive to attain!

We shouldn't feel defeated at all because when we see Jesus we should be reminded of the Gospel.

The Gospel is that His blood literally covers me. His righteousness is literally covering me. I am wrapped in the righteousness of Christ. When God sees me, He see's Christ's righteousness already.

We don't run our race in order to be made right with God…we run our race in order to obtain His best.

He has already declared us righteous. That is the whole point (and good news!) of the Gospel.

I encourage you to run YOUR race. Don't get thrown off course or weighed down by looking and comparing yourself to others. 

We have measured ourselves by ourselves until the incentive to seek higher plateaus in the things of the Spirit is all but gone. 

-Tozer

Fight the Issue, Not Each Other by Chad O

"Fight the issue, not each other"

Marital quarrels are inevitable and every couple will disagree sooner or later, even committed Christians. While conflict is uncomfortable, it is not necessarily bad. In fact, a "fair" fight can actually contribute to the quality of your marriage. If we we can learn to use our quarrels to resolve our differences, then anger can be constructive rather than destructive. A counselor friend suggested 5 rules for productive conflict resolution.

1. Use "I" messages rather than "you" messages.
"I" messages give your spouse a chance to evaluate what you are saying w/o feeling the need to defend themself. ex. "I feel angry when you do that".
2. Practice reflective listening.
Very hard for me to do in the heat of an argument, but if you force yourself to listen carefully before you speak, you will discover that the rewards are well worth the effort. ex. "It sounds like you feel hurt and angry when I..." lets the other person know you are listening.
3. Stick to the issue!
Many couples never solve anything because when they fight they can't stick to the issue. Here's a suggestion. The next time you find yourself in an argument, sit side-by-side with your spouse and not across from each other. Identify the issue and pretend "it" is sitting across from the two of you.
4. Don't hit below the belt.
Quit bringing up tender issues during an argument. You may win the argument but the marriage is badly wounded.
5. Don't go to bed mad.
My take on this one is different but I get the point. Arguing while I'm tired is never a good fight. So I assure Tania that "we" are okay and everything is going to be fine. We commit to discussing it later and have never slept apart because of an argument.

There is an old story about a farmer who observed wild animals during the winter. This pack of wolves would come down into the valley and attack the band of wild horses. The horses would form a circle with their heads to the center and work as a team to kick the wolves when they tried to enter the circle, driving them away.

The same wolves attacked a herd of wild jackasses. The animals also formed a circle , but they put their heads facing out toward the wolves. When attacked they began to kick and ended up kicking one another.

We have a choice between being smart as a horse or as stupid as a wild jackass. Do you want to kick the problem or each other.

Praying for you today...

Chad O

"I'm So Tired" by Brad Hodges

RECAP:  Every couple at some point complains, “We do the same things over and over and over again!”  When a marriage gets wedged in a monotonous rut , the vacuum of intimacy sucks each spouse dry.  It is exhausting and draining.  


In these "marriage humdrum" blog entries, we’ll look at a bunch of different warning signs that will help us identify marriage pits that most couples drift into.  And, we’ll look at the decisions necessary to having fun again together.

Marriage Humdrum Part 5
The other day while push mowing my lawn I ran out of gas.  And, I was also out of stored gas.  Has this ever happened to you?  I had trimmed the trees and bushes, pulled weeds, and cleaned the house.  I was tired.  Here's what I actually thought in that moment.  "Instead of getting more gas, I could purchase a new lawn mower!  I've had this one for 12 years; I'll probably start having more problems with it; I'll just get a new one."

My best decisions come when I'm fresh and rested.  This wasn't one of them...

The marriage humdrum warning sign for this blog entry is tiredness.  When a marriage is wedged in a rut, it's anything but fresh and rested.  You can tell right away when a spouse or couple is tired.... snippy (they'll bite your head off), hopelessness, lots of sighing, negative outlook, and exhausted....  You know when a couple is at their limits.

Never make a decision regarding your wife or marriage when your load is exceeding your limits.  Instead get your tank refilled!  And, maybe you need to help refill your wife's love tank, too.

So let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don't give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith. (Galatians 6:9, 10 MSG)

When your physical, emotional, relational, or mental tanks are empty, that's a horrible time to make a decision regarding your marriage.  Especially, your spiritual tank.  Let Jesus fill you up.  Trust him and spend time with him.

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." (Matthew 11:28-30 MSG)

Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening? God doesn't come and go. God lasts. He's Creator of all you can see or imagine. He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath. And he knows everything, inside and out. He energizes those who get tired, gives fresh strength to dropouts. For even young people tire and drop out, young folk in their prime stumble and fall. But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles, They run and don't get tired, they walk and don't lag behind. (Isaiah 40:27-31 MSG)

Those who feel tired and worn out will find new life and energy, and when they sleep, they will wake up refreshed. (Jeremiah 31:25, 26 CEVUS06)

I believe Jesus breathes life and energy into dead and exhausted marriages.  I believe in miracles.  Sometimes the Holy Spirit works in instant.  Like a bolt of lightning a spouse's heart can be sparked and changed and the marriage is saved.  Other times it takes weeks, months, or years to see the miracle.  Either way it takes time to heal the wounds of a marriage stuck in a rut.