1 Peter 3:7 You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way...and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
We all realize that well-known pastors and Christian leaders are as human as anyone else. Yet something within us always remains surprised when we hear them tell stories that demonstrate just how fallible they are!
That was the case recently when I interviewed pastor and author Chuck Swindoll for "FamilyLife Today." Chuck was talking about a key event in his relationship with his wife, Cynthia: The day he realized how selfish he was.
They had been married for 10 years and were sitting in their kitchen in Boston. Cynthia began crying and said, "Honey, I don't want you to tell people that we are partners in ministry anymore. Because we're not."
Chuck was stunned. "What do you mean?" he asked.
"You don't really want me as a partner," she replied. "You just kind of need me at certain times...I'm not the Holy Spirit in your life, and I'm not giving you an agenda. I can just tell you I am one unhappy woman. I feel distant from the ministry. When I hear you preach, I'm watching one man. When I live with you, I'm with another."
As Chuck looks back on that day, he sees it as a turning point in his marriage. "I really was living a single life as a married man," he recalls. "When I saw it, I was ashamed. That's the only word I know to use.
"I began to see little things I had done for 10 years, such as not bothering to introduce Cynthia to others. When she served the meat, I'd take the biggest piece. I'd tell jokes about her. If we had a busy weekend, I'd take care of my agenda. She'd take up the slack.
"I realized I am a selfish man."
Since then Chuck and Cynthia began forging a true partnership in their ministry; in fact, he says his best ideas come from her. Their marriage stands as a testimony to the grace of God because Chuck is living out the truth of 1 Peter 3:7: granting honor to his wife as a "fellow heir of the grace of life."
Prayer: Ask God to help you be the servant-leader your wife needs you to be.
Discuss: How do you treat your wife? Is she a true partner in your life? Would she say you are unselfish?
4 comments:
I'm not sure I want to hear the answers to these questions. I can say that I am actively working on this though. I definitely have better times than others. This would be a good one to sit down and read together and ask for straight up answers. I think sometimes when I ask for feedback if she realizes that the comments are starting to get to me she redirects them to positive. I appreciate the gesture, but then I am not sure about her true feelings. Often though, we realize that we each perceive something that is not the reality.
Quick to listen, slow to speak. repeat (don't let your amygdala hijack your mouth or gestures)
blessings
cas
this is true of me. i tend to not make it a partnership. i think my wife has indicated this to me. but this quick story of Swindoll resonated with me. especially the part of "needing me at certain times". it really comes down to following God's direction and honoring her and lovign her as Christ loved the church.
I don't know how much a "partner" she feels, but I know without a doubt that I am perceived as a better man, because my colleagues know my wife. I try to get her around my employees as much as possible so that she can be a part of it. I wish she did not have to spend so much time listiening to me vent about this or that thing or person.I wish that I spent more time asking her what she thought.
I'm okay with this one. I would be confident having her post on her and having her answer this question. If anything sometimes I probably defer too often and sometimes am so unselfish that it complicates the situation. I think this comes from having divorced parents-I'm so conscious of this aspect that I stay far, far from the line.
crb
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