by Barbara Rainey
Ephesians 4:26 (NIV) Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.
We know we are created in the image of God, but many don't realize our emotions are a part of God's image imprinted within us. Women need to grow in their understanding of their emotions. And this isn't easy, because many women aren't prepared to handle the different emotions they feel at different stages of their lives.
As a woman experiences various emotions, she needs to feel loved and accepted so she can face these times positively. This is not only critical for her emotional health, but also for impacting her children with positive emotional identities so they will grow up to be mature adults. These emotions are a part of the image of God, and we should grow and mature when we experience them.
When we got married, Dennis and I were completely caught off guard by my emotions as we moved into a marriage relationship. I remember the first time I was angry with Dennis. I had never felt angry with him the entire time we dated, during our engagement or in the early days of our marriage. I honestly didn't know what to do about my anger.
I remember thinking, What do I do? Where do I go? Dennis was pursuing me to solve our conflict, and I was so confused that I went into the bathroom, shut the door and thought, I can't get out of here. I'm stuck. My emotions were telling me something was very wrong in this relationship.
I held the future of my marriage and my family in my hands. I decided my relationship, which was a covenant I'd made to God, was too important not to work it out. So after stewing for awhile, I got up out of that bathroom and Dennis and I, after some real communication, resolved the problem.
Dennis and I have found that God designed marriage as a covenant relationship where a man and woman can work through their emotions and glorify God in the process.
Prayer: Ask the Holy Spirit to fill you, guide you and direct you in how you are to handle your emotions in your marriage and family relationships.
Discuss: How are you in controlling your emotions when it comes to dealing with your mate or your children?
5 comments:
Thought this might be interesting. First of all I am not always so good at living out the verse. Normally I really like to get things resolved as quickly as possible, but that does not always happen. I am also not so good at giving her time to get her thoughts in order. What was revealing to me as well is that this is another one of God's creations and He choose her for me. I am also instructed to treat her as Christ treated the church. As many of you have heard me say before, if we as husbands could actually live that out, this would be a different world. I suspect we would get > 10,000 fold return on our investment. I however sometimes relate to Homer Simpson's quote on this which is "Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand" and is completely opposite of what I should do. A few years ago I had made a significant effort not to participate in arguments or fights and to listen attentively and caringly. I was not a doormat, I just made a conscious decision to not retaliate and to pray for direction before responding and you can not imagine how much it changed things. I am working towards that again. Just a little food for thought, in Smalley's book If He Only Knew, he says that if you have been married for more than 5 years and are having any issues in your marriage, then >99% of the time it is the mans fault :o/ Not that I agree completely with this, but I suspect if we were treating our better halves as Christ did the church, our percentages would drop precipitously.
Blessings,
cas
Guys,
I've gotta tell you that I'm blowing this one - over and over again. I'm not the type to get angry, but I can get really cold when my wife is on an emotional low. She has thyroid problems, so her life can be an emotional roller-coaster. ...and I usually don't respond very well at all. God has his finger on this sin in my life. Pray for me.
This devotion is a good perspective from a womans point of view. I try to fix things as CAS said. I assume shes relating to me for help with situations when all she wants me to do is to listen.
Also, as guys we are naturally competitive and I think at some point in every marriage our spouses are viewed at times as an opponent in certain situations instead of a partner. I have to turn that off in an argument and 'be quick to hear and slow to speak' as scripture dictates and put aside the desire to 'win' the argument or debate. Its tough to put down the gloves and pick up the olive branch and be sensitive to my wifes emotions. But with God its possible and I must depend on Him and my brothers to keep me focused.
Very convicting. DSD just said a prayer for you and your marriage. Thanks for offering up your need.
all great points that you guys made. well, yesterday my wife ran the car into a concrete wall. probably the 4th accident in the past 5 years. so, i have to admit, i STRUGGLED with my emotions. but what i noticed is that she was shaking when she was telling me the news. i asked why and she said it was because she didnt want to disappoint me and that she knows she negatively impacted our family. it really hit me - my wife shouldnt be scared to tell me these things. it's just hard not to blow up right away and look for a solution. one thing that hit me was to keep perspective. in other words, in the grand scheme of things how much does this incident matter. i also try and ask myself - are the words i choose or am about to say the ones that i would want to be my last to her (not to get all debbie downer but just a good check that you just dont know what is around the next bend in life).
trd, man that's really amazing. I'm sure that STRUGGLE is an understatement. Great Job on asking why she was shaking. I pray that I would be that wise in that situation. Thanks for taking the time to give us a window into your life!
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