"Intentionality" with Matt Warren

Recently I was talking to my 15 year old son about his approach and response to teammates in competitive moments.  The discussion led me to recall moments when I was his age and the struggles that I dealt with in competition.  I remember when either myself or one of my teammates were not performing as well as was expected there could be tension or frustration when the poor performance persisted.  I shared with my son (hopefully out of some maturity from almost 30 years more of life experience) how his response in those moments can make both a difference in his performance as well as his teams, especially if he encourages his teammates or persists in his own pursuit of improvement positively.

Then I was reading something that day from C.H. Spurgeon, "We should keep the image of God so constantly before us that we become conformed to it.  The inner love for righteousness must be the motive for Christian integrity in our public walk."

The Scriptures communicate that the image of God before us is the glory of God revealed in Jesus Christ (John 1:14; Hebrews 1:1-3).  In my reasoning I know this to be true, but in my worship and daily living there can certainly be moments of disconnect.  The disconnect exists because I have exchanged what is best for things that might be good, or things that might even lead to compromising my faith.  I admit that I am often content with fleeting pleasures of sin instead of righteousness.

It is much like the athlete who has the ability to perform at a high level, be it in practice or game,  who finds himself practicing or performing at a compromised level.   The competitive side in me rises up and wants to call out, "Let's go man, do your best."  The coach in me would want to pull a struggling player aside and ask if there is a distraction or possibly an injury reducing the level of performance.  We know for success to occur there is a requirement on all of the team's part (coaches included) - intentionality.   Intentionality requires a focus on the goal, maybe even intensity (the Latin roots are very similar - intentus and intensus) in hopes of achieving the best performance.  In competition, success takes discipline and intentional, maybe even a relentless focus on the prize.

Herein lies the comparison: for the highly competitive athlete there must be an inner desire to perform consistently to the best of one's ability, despite any obstacle - INTENTIONALITY.  For the Christian, there must be an inner love for the righteousness of Jesus to be the highest regard - INTENTIONALITY.  This occurs not only in the realm of reason, but in the inner disciplines of devotion, prayer, and meditation as well as the outward life of worship, confession, and lifestyle evangelism (Romans 12:9-21).

I would hope and trust, as men who reason that the Scriptures are able to make us "competent and equipped for every good work, (2 Timothy 3:15-16)" that we not only reason about our faith, but we also connect the inner love, the affections and passions, for righteousness (not even merely the pursuit of it, for that will leave us short).  For if we love righteousness, the people in our lives . . . our wives (girlfriends or fiancee' as appropriate), children, co-workers, brothers in arms, etc, would identify the integrity of that commitment to inner righteousness through our public walk.  We would find greater joy, peace and intimacy with God and the glory of God would be revealed in us His sons.

So I must ask myself these questions, "Does my life reflect on a public nature the greatest thing I am competing for - an inner love of the righteousness of Jesus?"  That is what I am competing for in the midst of my day while denying the adversary, our opponent, the opportunity and ability to rob me of that righteousness I possess in Christ.  So will we together avoid cheap substitutes? Will we together rally at our positions?   Will we in unison race together so that we conform to the image of Christ and glorify our Heavenly Father?  I need committed men with me - INTENT on the same end, INTENSE for the same goal - loving righteousness, the righteousness of Jesus, above all else!

"How important is prayer?" by Chad O

Most Christians have to condition themselves to have a faithful prayer life. I have struggled with it all my life but I have found what works for me. I schedule it into my daily routine. Now before you question my sincerity, let me explain. Prayer at dinner, prayer with my staff, prayer before bedtime and prayer before meetings is not what I'm talking about. Those are great ways to invite God in and set the tone for the work we are about to do. Bedtime and before meal prayers are great as well, I'm talking about "Everyday Prayers".

I used to direct my prayers toward the large and important things until I was totally convicted by the verse, "you have not because you ask not." I felt like God gave us intelligence to handle the small matters. Boy was I wrong all these years. Even today I am reminded of God's promise: "Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear."

Of course, I'm not talking about turning God into some kind of cosmic Santa Clause. But if we pray God-centered prayers, there is always a place for our personal needs. He who taught us to pray, "...your kingdom come..." also taught us to pray, "...give us today our daily bread..."

"In prayer, as in all of life, there must be a balance between daily bread and coming kingdoms. If we discipline ourselves to spend time in prayer getting to know God, thinking God's thoughts after Him, we will never be guilty of praying petty selfish prayers." - Richard Exley

So how do I do it?
- I set my alarm to wake up at the same time everyday [4:30am]
- In order to do that I have to discipline myself to go to bed at a decent time.
- (M-F) I pray from an ongoing list to keep me focused. (yes I open my eyes)
- On Fridays I pray for the specific needs of my staff, their kids, my church and church leadership in depth. (this is from a list as well)

When I'm in God's will the easy decisions of life come naturally and don't require me stopping to pray about every little detail. It's evident because I make great decisions and God blesses my efforts. However, if I try to do it on my own, He let's me know.

"Growth Stages" with Chad O

"Growth Stages"

I was reading something the other day about a person's growth stages from birth to adulthood. It's not that I learned something new but I was reminded of just how involved God is in the process. So what about "spiritual growth"? It's been my experience that we all relate to God on four basic levels. Recall when you received Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior. Take a spiritual inventory and discover where you are in your personal spiritual journey.

1st there is the "GIVE ME" stage. Virtually everyone starts here. Like Jacob we say, "...If God will be with me and watch over me on this journey I am taking and will give me food to eat and clothes to wear so that I return safely to my father's house, then the Lord will be my God."

2nd level is the "USE ME" stage. It replaces the give me stage as our preoccupation with getting has now evolved into an obsession to be used by God. Now we regularly pray for empowerment, and we dream of doing great things for the Lord. People here usually have great zeal but little wisdom and even less love. (Spiritual loneliness in spite of one frantic involvement.)

As we continue to mature in faith, we develop a growing desire to be like Christ. This 3rd stage is the "MAKE ME" phase. It is our desire to be used by God balanced by a yearning "...to be conformed to the likeness of [God's] Son..."

The 4th and final stage is when our relationship is characterized by intense love and focuses on spiritual intimacy. "SEARCH ME" With the psalmist we plead, "Search me, O God, and know my heart..." Nothing is as important as knowing God and being known by Him.

In truth, the mature believer incorporates all four dimensions in his or her relationship with God. They trust God to meet their daily needs w/o majoring in the kind of demanding prayers that often characterized their initial relationship. True ministry flows out of who we are in Christ. I want to know Christ and be known to Him. Identify some ways you can enhance your spiritual growth.

"Take off the Mask" by Chad O

"Take off the mask"

What good is there to be gained by being dishonest with God? How do we ever expect to be transformed into His image if we keep doing the same old thing and we continually cover those things we don't want God to know about?

The account with Abraham and Sarah is a case in point. God visited Abraham one day and told him that his wife Sarah was going to bear him a son. "...now Sarah was listening... [and] laughed to herself as she thought, 'After I am worn out and my master is old, will I now have this pleasure?' "

Her laughter didn't last long. It caught in her throat when God overheard it and demanded an explanation. The Bible says, "Sarah was afraid, so she lied and said, 'I did not laugh.'..."

What happened? Why was Sarah afraid? The God she knew was humorless. He was hard, and straight, and intolerant, like a stern grandfather or a hanging judge. And like many of us, she thought there was only one way to relate to Him, so she hastily donned her religious face. How we perceive Him affects everything we do -- how we relate to Him in worship and service, how we relate to others, and even how we view ourselves. Christianity is not spending our entire lives in an elaborate masquerade.

Think for a moment and be honest. Are you natural, are you really yourself when you approach God, or do you find yourself reverting to your religious conditioning? Are your prayers conversational or pious? Formal or friendly? Be real with God, not just "right" with God.

"Happiness" by Chad O

I don't know to many people that desire to never be happy. Happiness is something most people are okay with being on a consistent basis. However, if I asked 20 people what true happiness is or to describe happiness, I would probably get 20 different answers.
 
So I decided to Google the word "HAPPINESS"
Dictionary.com says...
1. the quality or state of being happy.
2 good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy.
Wikipedia.com describes happiness as..."a mental or emotional state of well-being characterized by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy."

Sounds boring doesn't it? Well, how about this? "HAPPINESS is growth." I've found that to be true in my life. When I'm growing in my relationship with God and being obedient to Him, that is when I've been most content. And that's a good thing to ask God to do for others in prayer. Paul also prayed that the people would keep "growing in the knowledge of God" (Col. 1:10). He knew that everything in life hinged on the health of our relationship with our creator. And he had also learned a valuable lesson as a result of growth in his own relationship with God: CONTENTMENT (Phil. 4:11-12).

"Plug in your Vacuum Cleaner" by Chad O

When Paul prayed, he also asked that people would receive power. He wrote that he wanted them to be "strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that [they] might have great endurance and patience" (Col.1:11). The power he was speaking of was that of God's Holy Spirit.

As Christians, each of us can be powered by the Holy Spirit. If we are to do anything of value, we must have Him as the source of our power. Think of yourself as being similar to a vacuum cleaner in your home. Like us, a vacuum cleaner was created with certain inherent abilities, and it has a specific purpose. but if it's not plugged in and receiving power, it's useless. It depends on another source to make it effective. If you pull the plug, it's worthless.

We're like that. Without the power from our Source, Jesus Christ, we're not effective. We may be able to do some things on our own, but they have no eternal value. When we really understand this, we begin to see ourselves as we really are. We realize that we need and must depend on God.

Stay plugged in today. - Chad O

"The Life of An Obedient Christian" with Chad O

Colossians 1:10
"And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work".

In his letter to the Colossians, Paul also prayed people would lead productive lives. The life of an obedient Christian is fruitful. That is how our Creator designed us to be. As Jesus said, "I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit--fruit that will last" (John 15:16). The greatest fruit that a person's life can bear has lasting value; usually that means actions with eternal consequences, such as salvation for unbelievers and ministry to other members of the body of Christ. How are you and those around you measuring up?

I don't know about you but processing what I just shared should make us all jump up and get in the game. So often Christians just play the game and don't play the game to have a lasting impression. Knowing this, can I encourage us all to bear lasting fruit? And when you pray for others, pray that they would be productive, and that they would choose to bear fruit that is eternal.

Praying you would be productive today - Chad O

"So Proud of Our God" by Chad O

I've just gotta brag on God a sec...

So the other day my wife Tania and were on our way to her doctor's appointment and formalized a plan to help a friend in need. We would go to Kroger and buy a $50 gift card to help with groceries. So we go in and see the doctor and as we are paying, the receptionist says, "Oh! I need to refund your $25 co-pay. Your doctor put a note on here not to charge you." So we leave, not really connecting the dots and a short time later we deliver the $50 gift card to our friend.

The following morning, I make the connection and Tania and I celebrated God blessing our obedience. Are you still with me? Good. Well a "nay-sayer" would point fingers and claim that Tania and I came up on the short side of the money stick... We gave $50 but only got back $25... We believe that God simple doubled our $25 and made it $50 for our friend [100% interest]. So Friday morning after breakfast, I decided to clean out the family junk drawer...What did I find? $37, that had been stuck in there and no one knew why? It was folded up tight and stuffed under a bunch of coins, keys and other misc things. But silly me I never made the connection...

So yesterday, my son Landen and I were working in the yard and just having some great conversations about his camp experience, his upcoming baptism and MONEY...Well low and behold, my 13 year old has an "Ahhhh Haaaa" moment. He too questioned the blessing part of our obedience but it was shorted lived. He said, "Dad there's the full blessing!!!!:
"God doubled you and mom's gift at the doctor's office." - [$25]
"You found $37 in the drawer, not included all the change you found." [$37]
"So you made $12! Also...
A family was blessed, you and mom get to be happy and Mallory and I take $.50 to school to buy "mystery snack" when they have it."

It truly was a great moment in my front yard with my 13 year old...Shhh I didn't tell him that the total in coin that I found was over $25 as well.

GOD YOU ARE SO GOOD! To you all the glory....thanks for letting me be a part of your story.

The Greatest Value of Praise by Chad O

"The Greatest Value of Praise"

Many Christians lump praise and thanksgiving together, Not realizing that there's a difference between them. Praise recognizes God for who He is. Thanksgiving recognizes Him for what He has done.

Both ingredients are necessary in our relationship with God. I've found that it's usually better to start with praise first, because even during tough times when we don't really feel like thanking God, we can always praise Him for who He is. He's the same every day: loving, patient, kind, and giving--He's perfect. So we are never w/o reasons to praise Him. Once we begin, it doesn't take long for our praise to turn into thanksgiving for what He has done.

When we praise God, He inhabits us. When we thank God, He blesses us. Paul Billheimer said, "Praising God decentralizes self. It is a shift of center from self to God. One cannot praise God without relinquishing occupation with self. Praise produces forgetfulness of self and forgetfulness of self is health".

Chad O

"Overcoming Temptation" by Chad O

"Overcoming Temptation"

"So I say live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other...Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit." Galatians 5:16,17,24,25

The Apostle Paul warns, "If you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!" Many of us fall prey to sin simply because we allow ourselves to be placed in situations we cannot handle. In short, we are overconfident. To defeat temptation we must operate from a position of strength, not weakness.

Temptation is a fact of life; it's inescapable. We can minimize it by practicing spiritual disciplines and avoiding obviously tempting situations, but we cannot escape it. Here are five spiritual disciplines which have proved effective for generations of believers.

1. Recognize your limitations
2. Develop an early warning system
3. Hide the Word of God in your heart
4. Confess your temptations to someone you can trust
5. Flee
(Richard Exley - 1993)

Now ask God to help you put these principles into practice day by day.

"Earthquake, Wind & Fire?" by Chad O

"Earthquake, Wind or Fire?"

Silence is not an enemy to be avoided, but a friend to be embraced. It is so foreign to most of us, you may have to repeat the discipline of "silence" for several days in a row before it becomes truly meaningful. Silence is the language of intimacy. Even as the heart speaks through silence, so God also speaks to the heart through silence.

1 Kings 19:11-13
"The Lord said, 'go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord for the Lord is about to pass by.'
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave...."

In silence God teaches us the deep mysteries of the Spirit, the things that can never be communicated with mere words. Initially our relationship with God, like the rest of our life, is filled with noisy busyness, but as we become more intimate the silence deepens, and in the silence God speaks to us like a friend with a friend. And slowly, ever so slowly, over months and sometimes years, we come to understand the wisdom of silence. In truth, the most profound and holy things God communicates to men are often communicated in silence.

"Nobody gets what I'm going through" by Brad Hodges

RECAP:  Every couple at some point complains, “We do the same things over and over and over again!”  When a marriage gets wedged in a monotonous rut , the vacuum of intimacy sucks each spouse dry.  It is exhausting and draining.  

In these "marriage humdrum" blog entries, we’ll look at a bunch of different warning signs that will help us identify marriage pits that most couples drift into.  And, we’ll look at the decisions necessary to having fun again together.

Marriage Humdrum Part 7
The seventh warning sign is, when a marriage gets wedged in a monotonous rut, it becomes easier for you to justify isolating yourself from others.  I have talked to countless couples struggling in their marriage who think everyone else around them, especially at church, won't understand what they are going through.  So, they don't talk to anyone about it!

After my wife and I had our first and second daughter in our marriage, we decided to go for a third child (yes, it was another sweet girl).  The process of making a baby was easy for us (and fun!).  God had blessed us with quick pregnancies, until the third...  We tried for almost 2 years and then decided maybe this wasn't what God wanted, and then Raegan was pregnant a month later. 

During that 2 year defeating, confusing, frustrating, spiritually stretching period, we didn't really reach out to anyone for help or encouragement, thinking, "Since we already have 2 children, this will sound like we're complaining, and we know so many who can't have their first child".  Come to find out a few years later, we run into couples all the time going through what we went through.

Everybody falls in love with the front end of the puppy.

You know where I'm going with this, right?  We fall in love with the front end of the puppy, but every puppy has a back end.  Every marriage has a back-end story.  Every marriage has a story of struggle, pain, frustration, trials, and disagreements.

When you are in a rut, you fall into pride and begin saying, "Nobody gets what I'm going through."  That's not true!  You've caught the lie the Enemy has been throwing at you.

What's sad, is I have seen this played out many times in church.  A couple commits to being a part of church and even joining a bible study or small group, but never opens up to anyone.  When their marriage begins a downward spiral, they drift and isolate, and don't open up until, in many cases, it's too late.

When you're in that rough season of a marriage and isolate from others, you fall for the lie that no one understands what you're going through.  That's just not true.   Your stories may have different details, but the symptoms are similar.  What you'll find, if you will take a risk at transparency, is encouragement, trust, and real friendships.  And, you might even go home saying, "Wow, at least we're not as jacked up as those other couples."  :)

When you feel stuck, press into biblical community.  You need to hear "What you are going through is not unique to you.  We've been where you are now.  You can make it through this.   We will help you."

³ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. ⁵ For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. ⁶ If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. ⁷ And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.  2 Corinthians 1:3-7

Struggling with 'I love you' by Chad O

"Struggling With I love You"

Too many people today believe that silence is eternally golden. The inability to say "I love you" often, or even hap-hazardly, can really strain a relationship. Sounds foreign to me but hey don't laugh; it's not as far fetched as you might think.

A counselor friend shared this story: He was counseling a couple who was at odds over the husband being a strong, silent type. The hurting wife was feeling lonely and insecure when she muttered, "You haven't told me you love me since the first night you proposed." Disgruntled he replied, "Well, nothing's changed and when it does you'll be the first to know." OUCH! I was thinking that reply did little to warm their relationship up.

One equally silent type told his wife, "Of course I love you. I make a good living for you and the kids, don't I?" Indeed he did and she was grateful, but she needed more than his paycheck to feel loved. Deeds may suffice for most men, but women and kids need words to assure them that they are loved and appreciated.

"Genuine love is a fragile flower. It must be maintained and protected if it is to survive. Love can perish...when there is no time for romantic activity...when a man and his wife forget how to talk to each other." James Dobson.

Praying for you today...
Chad O

Alone in Marriage by Chad O

"Alone in Marriage"

Marriage is a covenant relationship between God, a man and a woman. If a man and woman desire for their relationship to become all that God wants it to be, they will have to show mutual respect, share deep feelings, cultivate kindness, express affection, and cherish one another. Unfortunately, a marriage like that is rare indeed. More often than not, it is just a forgotten dream, a newlywed hope, soon crushed beneath the demands of living. Studies indicate that only about 10% of all marriages ever reach their relational potential, while the rest struggle along the mediocrity or end in divorce.

Think of it! Marriage, which was created by God to end the loneliness of human beings, is often the loneliness place of all. Couples live in in the same house, share the same bed, parent the same children, even make "love" yet they never really touch each other. They are together but very much alone.

But it doesn't have to be that way. God still intends for marriage to be a special relationship, one in which two people truly become one with each other, experience the deepest intimacy, and discover the most complete fulfillment of which they are capable.

Let me conclude with saying, "It doesn't just happen." In reality marriage is both a gift and a discipline. God gives us each other and the tools for cultivating our blessed oneness, but it is up to us to work the soil of our relationship all the days of our lives.

"May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer--may her breast satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love." Proverbs 5:18,19

Praying for you today...

Chad O

"Why does SHE keep ticking me off?" by Brad Hodges

RECAP:  Every couple at some point complains, “We do the same things over and over and over again!”  When a marriage gets wedged in a monotonous rut , the vacuum of intimacy sucks each spouse dry.  It is exhausting and draining.  

In these "marriage humdrum" blog entries, we’ll look at a bunch of different warning signs that will help us identify marriage pits that most couples drift into.  And, we’ll look at the decisions necessary to having fun again together.

Marriage Humdrum Part 6
When a marriage gets wedged in a rut, somebody is going to get angry.

I can immediately think of a handful of instances in my marriage when my blood has boiled over in anger directed at my wife.  In most cases I kept a lid on it, and my response was at the worst - mildly passive.  The other times though, I've struck out with hurtful accusations that I regret.  Whether I have unresolved anger or I lash out in wrongful anger in the moment...in hindsight -- it's always a heart issue.

Is your heart open or closed?

The answer to that question determines everything about your life and marriage.  A closed heart is numb, detached, distant, and angry.  An open heart feels safe, non-threatened, and willing to share.

Unresolved anger is like drinking poison expecting the other person to get sick.  It only hurts you, not the other person.  Also, you never bury anger dead.  You always bury it alive.  This can result in passing this anger on or taking it out on your wife or kids.

We must resolve our anger.  The perceived issue is rarely the root issue.  Receive forgiveness from the True Source of life (Jesus) and then give it freely to every person who has ever hurt you.

Anger has three primary sources: hurt, fear, and frustration.  Anger is a secondary emotion.  You always feel something before you get angry.  Those feelings are amplified when your heart is closed.

Proverbs 4:23 says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."

When you're stuck and your heart is closed, your marriage suffers.  You have only one heart.  It's the same heart that worships God, loves your spouse, and cares for your kids.  Keep it open.

No one has a right to be angry more than God.  He is holy and just and hates our sin.  But, He's also long-suffering, loving, and full of grace.  That's why He sent Jesus to pay the just penalty of death for us!  Then he rose again exalted as King.  Jesus is your Savior, but is He your King?  Do you know Him?  Does He know you?


Below are a few actions points to apply this to your marriage:

• Talk with your wife.  Apologize for any past mistakes or rudeness.  Discuss better ways to communicate.  Express understanding that neither of you will be perfect, calm, and kind all the time...  We need to yield to God's leadership -- power apart from ourselves to keep this going over time.
• Privately, write a list of typical offenses performed by your wife over which you can choose not to get angry.
• Meditate on and Memorize Proverbs 19:11 - "A person's insight gives him patience, and his virtue is to overlook an offense."  Other good verses from Proverbs: Proverbs 10:12; 15:1; 16:32; 17:1, 9, 14

"The Act of Love" by Chad O

"The Act of Love"

Marital intimacy is both relational and sexual. As we become emotionally intimate with our spouse, sex takes on a whole new dimension--not only the merging of our flesh but the touching of our souls. The Bible describes this act of love between a husband and a wife as "knowing": 

"And Adam knew his wife; and she conceived..."

This oneness is called bonding, or what Dr. Desmond Morris identifies as "...the emotional covenant that links a man and woman together for life...the specialness which sets those two lover apart from every other person on the face of the earth."

Author Richard Exley describes this blessed oneness as "embryonic to begin with." That is, it is true in the spirit of our relationship, but not necessarily of our day-to-day lives. We do not suddenly become "one"  because a minister pronounces us husband and wife. It's a process. It demands time and commitment, not to mention love, understanding, and hard work.

This is the most demanding endeavor I've ever attempted and I can assure you that it is well worth the effort.

Genesis 2:18, 21-25 "...It is not good for man to be alone..." (I'll let you read the rest.)

Praying for you today...

Chad O

Are You Better Or Worse Than Those Around You? by Jonathan Martin

When we think about running our race…are we talking about a competition?

photo credit: ashraful kadir via photopin cc

Is it about me trying to beat or get ahead of you and vice versa?

I think most of us know the answer in our heads…but for those of you who aren't sure…the answer is no.

However, I think that many of us live as if "running the race" is a competition.

We look around at the world and think…we'll at least I'm not that bad.

We look our preachers and teachers (maybe friends that seem "super spiritual) and feel inferior.

Jesus tells a story in Luke 18:9-14 of a tax-collector and a pharisee. The pharisee prays (loudly, I think) thanking God that he, the pharisee, is not like that sinful tax-collector over there. However, the tax-collector prays (quietly and alone) with genuine brokenness asking God to be merciful on him as a sinner.

In the original language, the text [actually] read, "God be merciful to me THE sinner." Not only did he not compare himself favorably with others as the pharisee did; he didn't compare himself at all. He was not concerned with how he measured up with respect to other people. He was concerned with how he measured up before a holy and righteous God. He knew he stood alone before God with his sin, so he pleaded for mercy. 

- Jerry Bridges 

The tax-collector started (and hopefully continued) running his race by looking to Jesus.

We look to Jesus for two reasons and to prevent two major obstacles, laziness and defeat:

• His likeness is what we are trying to obtain - I'm not trying to "be as good as" my neighbor next door, in the next pew, or on stage...I'm trying to "be as good as" Jesus!

That's why Paul says in Philippians 3 that he hasn't already obtained it. Obtained what?

Perfection!

We can become dangerously satisfied in ourselves when we look around and estimate that we are doing "better than average." We can lose the "straining," "pressing on," and the general call to push ourselves with diligence towards Christ that the Word of God compels us towards when we start thinking and comparing in this way. So we look to Jesus as our greatest challenge and His likeness as the greatest goal to obtain.

• His righteousness is already mine - To obtain Christ likeness is a daunting task! Some of us feel defeated simply by looking around us and seeing folks we admire who seem "farther ahead" than we are. How much more defeated does that make us feel when we realize that that person barely scratches the surface of what we should strive to attain!

We shouldn't feel defeated at all because when we see Jesus we should be reminded of the Gospel.

The Gospel is that His blood literally covers me. His righteousness is literally covering me. I am wrapped in the righteousness of Christ. When God sees me, He see's Christ's righteousness already.

We don't run our race in order to be made right with God…we run our race in order to obtain His best.

He has already declared us righteous. That is the whole point (and good news!) of the Gospel.

I encourage you to run YOUR race. Don't get thrown off course or weighed down by looking and comparing yourself to others. 

We have measured ourselves by ourselves until the incentive to seek higher plateaus in the things of the Spirit is all but gone. 

-Tozer

Fight the Issue, Not Each Other by Chad O

"Fight the issue, not each other"

Marital quarrels are inevitable and every couple will disagree sooner or later, even committed Christians. While conflict is uncomfortable, it is not necessarily bad. In fact, a "fair" fight can actually contribute to the quality of your marriage. If we we can learn to use our quarrels to resolve our differences, then anger can be constructive rather than destructive. A counselor friend suggested 5 rules for productive conflict resolution.

1. Use "I" messages rather than "you" messages.
"I" messages give your spouse a chance to evaluate what you are saying w/o feeling the need to defend themself. ex. "I feel angry when you do that".
2. Practice reflective listening.
Very hard for me to do in the heat of an argument, but if you force yourself to listen carefully before you speak, you will discover that the rewards are well worth the effort. ex. "It sounds like you feel hurt and angry when I..." lets the other person know you are listening.
3. Stick to the issue!
Many couples never solve anything because when they fight they can't stick to the issue. Here's a suggestion. The next time you find yourself in an argument, sit side-by-side with your spouse and not across from each other. Identify the issue and pretend "it" is sitting across from the two of you.
4. Don't hit below the belt.
Quit bringing up tender issues during an argument. You may win the argument but the marriage is badly wounded.
5. Don't go to bed mad.
My take on this one is different but I get the point. Arguing while I'm tired is never a good fight. So I assure Tania that "we" are okay and everything is going to be fine. We commit to discussing it later and have never slept apart because of an argument.

There is an old story about a farmer who observed wild animals during the winter. This pack of wolves would come down into the valley and attack the band of wild horses. The horses would form a circle with their heads to the center and work as a team to kick the wolves when they tried to enter the circle, driving them away.

The same wolves attacked a herd of wild jackasses. The animals also formed a circle , but they put their heads facing out toward the wolves. When attacked they began to kick and ended up kicking one another.

We have a choice between being smart as a horse or as stupid as a wild jackass. Do you want to kick the problem or each other.

Praying for you today...

Chad O

"I'm So Tired" by Brad Hodges

RECAP:  Every couple at some point complains, “We do the same things over and over and over again!”  When a marriage gets wedged in a monotonous rut , the vacuum of intimacy sucks each spouse dry.  It is exhausting and draining.  


In these "marriage humdrum" blog entries, we’ll look at a bunch of different warning signs that will help us identify marriage pits that most couples drift into.  And, we’ll look at the decisions necessary to having fun again together.

Marriage Humdrum Part 5
The other day while push mowing my lawn I ran out of gas.  And, I was also out of stored gas.  Has this ever happened to you?  I had trimmed the trees and bushes, pulled weeds, and cleaned the house.  I was tired.  Here's what I actually thought in that moment.  "Instead of getting more gas, I could purchase a new lawn mower!  I've had this one for 12 years; I'll probably start having more problems with it; I'll just get a new one."

My best decisions come when I'm fresh and rested.  This wasn't one of them...

The marriage humdrum warning sign for this blog entry is tiredness.  When a marriage is wedged in a rut, it's anything but fresh and rested.  You can tell right away when a spouse or couple is tired.... snippy (they'll bite your head off), hopelessness, lots of sighing, negative outlook, and exhausted....  You know when a couple is at their limits.

Never make a decision regarding your wife or marriage when your load is exceeding your limits.  Instead get your tank refilled!  And, maybe you need to help refill your wife's love tank, too.

So let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don't give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith. (Galatians 6:9, 10 MSG)

When your physical, emotional, relational, or mental tanks are empty, that's a horrible time to make a decision regarding your marriage.  Especially, your spiritual tank.  Let Jesus fill you up.  Trust him and spend time with him.

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." (Matthew 11:28-30 MSG)

Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening? God doesn't come and go. God lasts. He's Creator of all you can see or imagine. He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath. And he knows everything, inside and out. He energizes those who get tired, gives fresh strength to dropouts. For even young people tire and drop out, young folk in their prime stumble and fall. But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles, They run and don't get tired, they walk and don't lag behind. (Isaiah 40:27-31 MSG)

Those who feel tired and worn out will find new life and energy, and when they sleep, they will wake up refreshed. (Jeremiah 31:25, 26 CEVUS06)

I believe Jesus breathes life and energy into dead and exhausted marriages.  I believe in miracles.  Sometimes the Holy Spirit works in instant.  Like a bolt of lightning a spouse's heart can be sparked and changed and the marriage is saved.  Other times it takes weeks, months, or years to see the miracle.  Either way it takes time to heal the wounds of a marriage stuck in a rut.

For The Saplings by Jonathan Martin

Have you ever wanted to be grass?

Let's think about that for a minute.

Grass.

Grass is...

Green.

Grass grows rather quickly.

But then...at the same time...it doesn't really last all that long. It is either cut down or withers easily when out of season.

Speaking of seasons, grass does make your yard look good!!...but only for a season. Then it turns all brown and blah.

Grass provides nourishment for cattle, livestock and other creatures. That's good! Cows have gotta eat! ...it just stinks that in order for grass to be nourishment for another creature, it has to be consumed. Meaning, it is no longer. Dead. Gone. Bye-bye.

And so...a blade of grass also can't feed many...just one.

Nobody wants to be grass.

And yet...we are jealous of the "grass-like" ALL the time.

What do I mean?

In the Bible, the wicked are always compared to being like grass. David, in Psalm 37:1-2, feels the need to tell us not to be jealous of them.

Fret not yourself because of the evildoers; be not envious of wrongdoers! For they will soon fade like the grass and wither like the green herb.

Or what about the warnings in Proverbs 24:1 and 24:19-20?

Be not envious of evil men, nor desire to be with them...

Fret not yourself because of the evildoers and be not envious of the wicked, for the evil man has no future; the lamp of the wicked will be put out.

So apparently, there is a need to warn us against being jealous of grass.

Why would we ever be jealous (or even fearful) of grass?

Because grass sprouts quickly!

Our producer (His name is Niko...how cool is that!?) is currently in the middle of growing a couple of apple trees.

The other day, it was beautiful outside here in Nashville and we were at Niko's house recording some vocals. We decided to take a break and head outside. Niko proceeded to show us his budding apple trees. They were maybe an inch tall. We responded with, "O! So cool! That's gonna be a big ole' tree someday! How long have you been trying to grow them?"

Niko responded, "Umm...about nine months."

"What? Nine-months! A baby grows faster than that!"

"Yea, I know! I actually found out that these trees won't even begin producing fruit until they are six years old."

Wow. That's a long time to wait for an apple.

That's the thing though. To be a tree takes a long time...and the righteous man is ALWAYS being compared to a tree.

The righteous man will flourish like the palm tree, He will grow like a cedar in Lebanon. Planted in the house of the Lord, they will flourish in the courts of our God. They will still yield fruit in old age; they shall be full of sap and very green, to declare that the Lord is upright...”

Psalm 92: 12-15

And he [the one who doesn't participate with sinners, scoffers, or the wicked] will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, which yields it’s fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither; and in whatever he does he prospers.

Psalm 1:3

Why are we (as men who are both declared righteous and being made righteous through Christ and by the Holy Spirit)...why are we potentially jealous and fearful of the wicked?

Because they grow so fast!!

The Word of God warns us that the wicked are going to sprout up quickly. Flourishing, 9-month old grass is going to seem massive, impressive, and intimidating to a small 9-month old sapling.

And it makes sense that the wicked would flourish here, right? I mean, the soil of this world is totally in favor of foul play.

It's not like it's hard to be bad here. I mean, come on! That's easy! It's easy to do the wrong things. We don't have to learn how to be sinful, and selfish, and prideful, and all that jazz. That stuff is easy.

On the contrary, it's HARD to do what is right. There are a lot of obstacles in the way of the righteous striving for further pursuit of righteousness. Obstacles from even our own flesh (for goodness sake!), obstacles from other folks, obstacles from culture, and then major obstacles thrown our way by a very REAL enemy.

It's natural for us to be jealous or afraid of the wicked sometimes. They seem to have it so easy. They flourish so quickly. All they have to do is use other people and sex to sell stuff and make money! All they have to do is lie and cheat and they succeed! All they have to do is say what people want to hear and they become famous and powerful! Arghh!!!

All the while, we feel sorry for ourselves sitting over here doing what's right and good. Obedient to God, our Father. Our growth is barely even noticeable from day to day.

That's when we need to remember Psalm 92:7

...when the wicked sprouted up like grass, and all who did iniquity flourished, it was only that they might be destroyed forevermore.”

Psalm 92:7

No, don't despair...one day you will be a tree.

One day you will be much stronger than any old blade of grass.

One day you will thrive and stand tall both in season and out of season.

One day the fruit you produce will feed MANY! And you will continue on! AND you won't be consumed!

The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life... - Proverbs 10:11

The lips of the righteous feed many... - Proverbs 10:21

The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom... - Proverbs 10:31

We are all at different stages in our tree-like development.

Some of us are saplings, and some are are like the six-years or beyond tree and already producing some fruit.

It's a little bit easier not to fear or be jealous of the wicked when you are taller and producing fruit of your own. It's easier to see the grass for what it really is at that point.

But if you are a sapling, be encouraged! Press on. Grow in the Word and in prayer. Trust God as He continues to grow you into a magnificent tree. He doesn't desire for you to be like the grass.

Who wants to be like the grass?

The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever. - Isaiah 40:8

Not me.

Listen Up" by Chad O

"Listen up."

A few weekends ago, my son played in a school soccer tournament. Their hard work paid off when they played the tournament championship match. As you can imagine, the stress level was high and they were nervous. As 1 of 3 coaches on the team, I had one simple piece of advice before they took the field. "Slow down and do the right thing all the time!" Listen in to the huddle talk.

"They show that in their hearts they know what is right and wrong." Romans 2:15

Whether you're on the soccer field or someplace else, listen to your conscience. If you listen to your conscience, you'll do the right thing. God gave you something called a conscience: some people describe it as a little voice, but really, it's a feeling--it's a feeling that tells you whether something is right or wrong. Your conscience will usually tell you what to do and when to do it. Pay attention to that feeling and trust it.

If you slow down and listen to your conscience, you'll usually stay out of trouble. and if you listen to your conscience, it won't be so hard to control your own behavior. Why? Because most of the time, you conscience already knows right from wrong. So don't be in a hurry to do things. Instead of "jumping right in," listen to your conscience. In the end, you'll be very glad you did.

Well, they did and won in the end. The best part was the class they showed in winning. There is a message in this for us as well. Slow down, simplify the game of life and listen to our conscience. If you have a personal relationship with the Lord He will speak truth in love to those who will slow down and listen.

"I Did It Again" by Brad Hodges

RECAP:  Every couple at some point complains, “We do the same things over and over and over again!”  When a marriage gets wedged in a monotonous rut , the vacuum of intimacy sucks each spouse dry.  It is exhausting and draining.  

In these "marriage humdrum" blog entries, we’ll look at a bunch of different warning signs that will help us identify marriage pits that most couples drift into.  And, we’ll look at the decisions necessary to having fun again together.


Marriage Humdrum Part 4
I remember my sophomore year in college, my basketball team went to national playoffs.  We were the Cinderella team that squeaked by in last place.  We won three games in our conference tournament to earn our spot. (2 in overtime and one in double overtime!)

Our first game in the tournament was against the number 2 ranked team, and I consistently made mistakes throughout the first half.  I thought I'd tried everything.  Normally--being 6'8", quick, and a great shooter--I could shoot over, drive around, or step back and shoot a jump shop against my opponent with relative ease.  Not this guy.  7'2" with quicks!  He was completely throwing off my game.  Again and again I kept repeating the same mistakes.

Insanity is defined as repeating the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Proverbs refers to this when it describes the disgusting habit of some of our pets:

"As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly"  Proverbs 26:11

Fools repeat mistakes and wise people learn from their mistakes. We all make mistakes.  The real issue is whether we will learn from them.

"I did it again!" 

Do you ever think that or say that?  I do.  It happens quite a bit in my marriage.  Couples will often say, "We've tried everything, but we cannot get any resolution to this issue.  We don't know what else to do."

We haven't tried everything, though.  More than likely we have tried a few things multiple times.  This pattern drains marriage of fun and intimacy.  You begin to think, "We've been down this road before, and here we are again.  Why can't we get anywhere with this?  Why are we still fighting over the same old issues?"

Parents and teachers share this tendency.  If you don't think your child or student is understanding, simply repeat louder.  Add passion or emotion.  Pound something... this almost never works.

Try something new.

For example: Communication in marriage.  When your conversations feel stuck with your wife, approach from a different angle.  Some kind of prop helps.  A kid's microphone, a piece of paper with rules, a toy, something.  Whoever has the prop has the floor and gets to talk. 

Conversations flow so much better when you listen more than talk. 

• Listen with your whole body. 
• Remove distractions. 
• Square off your body with your wife. 
• Make eye contact. 
• Focus on your spouse's words rather than formulating your next statement. 
• And by all means, keep your mouth closed. 
• Listen, understand, and validate.  Your wife wants to know, "My husband was here, heard me, and understands where I am coming from."

"Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls."  James 1:19-21

Men, when you get in a monotonous rut, making the same mistakes over and over, try something new!  At times it feels unnatural and forced, but let me tell you, it keeps our relationship more connected and fresh.  And, let God's Word take root and grow in your soul, because therein lies the power to be someone new!

Here's the rest of the story on the basketball game.  When my game wasn't working, I kept pulling out all the same tricks.  I finally realized, I have to do something different.  In the second half I tried to just draw as many fouls as I could on the behemoth and get to the line.  We had gotten down by 30 points in the first half and came back within 3 points with a shot at the buzzer...which we missed!  Lesson learned.

"Respect the Rules" by Chad O

"Respect the Rules"

When you're playing sports, do you try to obey the rules? When you're watching a sport played, do you get upset when the other team breaks the rules? And do you try to obey God's rules all day long every day? Hopefully so!

"It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your house, and don't take yourself too seriously--take God seriously." Micah 6:8

God has rules (which you should always try to obey) and so do sporting events. An attitude of obedience starts in your heart and works its way out from there. That's why it's important to listen to your heart when it tells you how to behave. When you do, you'll be happier, healthier, smarter and safer.

Although God causes all things to work together for good for His children, He holds us accountable for our behavior. "When the law of God is written on our hearts, our duty will be our delight." Matthew Henry. As parents, my wife and I don't just want our kids to obey because we said so. It's bigger than that. We want them to know that obedience is the outward expression of their love of God. That's a taller order but we really believe it's the best model.

So the next time you make a decision, there may not be a trumpet sound or loud applause, just a calm sense of resolution and peace. That's how you'll know it was a right decision.

squaring off with the self-righteous busybodies by bruce w fong

This week I was out for a walk and deep in thought.  A thousand thoughts flooded my mind.  Beyond my immediate thoughts there were intense feelings bubbling up from my contemplation.

I was wondering about these unfamiliar feelings.  They were dark and foreboding.  My habit to be optimistic and hopeful were not reacting.  Instead, my dependable life skills seemed to be leaving me vulnerable.

One of my sheep, someone in my congregation was hurting.  I did not like what they were facing.  Accusations were running wild by irrational people. 

When the objective skills were applied to the story, I could see possibilities and many problems.  But, why do we have to always conclude on the side what is bad?  Is seems far too human to judge others, be a part of casting stones.

Tears rolled down her cheeks.  She was trying to be brave.  Words from accusers were intense.  They did not make sense, they were disorganized and irrational.  Others sitting in judgment were afraid to set off the one who had a vendetta.  They were bowing to the pressure of emotion.

Abandonment colored the moment.  Those who should have protected and advocated on behalf of the accused buckled.  They were weak.   Again my question was simple, "Why do people choose to believe the worst?"

The decision rested with me.  I was glad to have that role.  Standing against an accuser who was a gossip, slanderer, liar and meddler seemed simple to me.  Today I stood up for someone who was being victimized in our Christian world for matters that were none of the business of the busybody.

It was a judgment call I know.  But, God called me to shepherd His flock.  I would not let someone, an intruder assume a self-righteous role and bring hurt into the life of another.  Nothing good could come from the intrusion of the wicked finger-pointer. 

The accuser turned to me when I announced my decision.  The decision was mine.  My role was to adjudicate the interrogation. 

That ugly episode was not long-lived but it was highly impactful in the life of someone whose pain was already addressed at the cross, dealt with before the proper channels, monitored by spiritual people and under clear spiritual authority.  No public scrutiny was either Biblically nor reasonably legitimate.

But, sinful carnal humans have a way of creeping into other people's lives.  Come on, Christians!  Let's mind our own business.  The church does not need self-righteous judgmental crusaders spying in on the lives of other people.  We who are in pursuit of righteousness have far more pressing real life issues to address.

"Your Corner of the World" by Chad O

"Your Corner of the World"

Would you like to be a little happier?
The Bible says that if you become a more generous person, you'll become a happier person, too.

"Happy is the person who thinks about the poor." Psalm 41:1

It's a fact: sharing makes you a better person. Why? Because when you share...
- You're obeying God
- You're making your corner of the world a better place
- and you're learning exactly what it feels like to be a generous, loving person.

Happiness is obedience to God. When you share, you have the fun of knowing that your good deeds are making other people happy. When you share, you're learning how to become a better person. When you share, you're making things better for other people. When you don't share, you become self-focused and become overwhelmed with the things in your life that you personally would like to see changed but don't know how to accept.

Tip of the day: Cheerful generosity is contagious... Others catch it from us.

"Do we have ANYTHING in common?" by Brad Hodges

RECAP:  Every couple at some point complains, “We do the same things over and over and over again!”  When a marriage gets wedged in a monotonous rut , the vacuum of intimacy sucks each spouse dry.  It is exhausting and draining.  

In these "marriage humdrum" blog entries, we’ll look at a bunch of different warning signs that will help us identify marriage pits that most couples drift into.  And, we’ll look at the decisions necessary to having fun again together.

Marriage Humdrum Part 3
Men, do you ever wonder, "How are my wife and I ever going to get out of this funk in our marriage when we don't even like to do the same things anymore?" 

"Maybe if I had met her through e-harmony or something we would have been more compatible."

Several years ago, Raegan and I led a pre-marital course for some couples, and on our first night we were going around asking couples to introduce themselves and tell us how they met.  Well...before we started this exciting icebreaker, I had just shared some sarcastic thoughts about e-harmony and other match making websites.... As you can imagine one of the couples had met at one of these very sites!

I had to back-peddle and explain what I meant.  I was making fun of these commercials in that you can have these "obviously" happy marriages by just taking an assessment and getting matched up.  I like that marriage is celebrated as fun and happy on these commercials, but this can also be misleading.

Compatibility is not nearly as important as Character. 

It's less about what we have in common and much more about our integrity, commitment, and sacrifice we display in our character as men through the grace and forgiveness of Jesus working through us in the power of the Holy Spirit.

God gave us an instruction manual in the Bible about marriage relationships so that we might truly live with the joy and intensity of satisfaction that He created us to experience in the Song written by Solomon.  Eight very practical and sometimes explicit chapters.

"The fragrance of your perfume is intoxicating; your name is perfume poured out.  No wonder young women adore you."  Song of Songs 1:3

Here we see Solomon's wife is drunk with her desire for Solomon not because of compatibility but because of his name.  She said his name was like purified oil. 

Purified oil is the first pressing of oil from the olive trees that surrounded Jerusalem.  The first pressing of oil (the extra virgin olive oil), was the oil used in the lampstand that burned day and night in the temple.  She was saying, "your name is of highest quality."  In that day names represented someone's reputation, virtue, integrity and character.

Your character, not your chemistry, determines your commitment to enjoy each other for life.  Moral slackness is the number one cause of divorce in this country.  Adultery, debt, and not practicing promises are symptoms of a spouse's lack of character.  Surface integrity leads men to look for an easy out when we find ourselves on the poorer side of "for richer or poorer" or on the worse side of "for better for worse."

Please don't hear me saying that compatibility isn't important.  Having things in common just isn't going to hold you to your vows, but character does.  So, work on your character, men.  Allow the Holy Spirit to invade your mind and hearts, so that when you're pressed in your marriage and in life, what comes out will be purified oil.   And, your name will be synonymous with honesty, love, and godly character.

Next time you see an online-dating commercial, don't be hoodwinked.  You're not in a rut in your marriage because you didn't take a test before marrying.  Your marriage humdrum state may have more to do with what is going on in your heart.

"Never Point..." by Chad O

"Never Point..."

"An angry person causes trouble." Proverbs 29:22

When something goes wrong, do you look for somebody to blame? And do you try to blame other people even if you're the one who made the mistake? Hopefully not! In the game of life it's tempting to blame everybody (except yourself!) But the blame game is a game with no winners. So if things aren't going your way, don't look for somebody to blame, look for some way to make things better.

Parents...quit blaming your kids for your attitude... They didn't make you that way. Be the parent and offer solutions your the one with the life experiences. Gee wiz!

Quit blaming you kids when you're late to school, church or an event. You're driving the car! They will only need to be left once. Trust me.

Part of my leadership style addresses this very issue head on. If someone on my team or staff comes to me with problem they are facing, it would be very easy for me to listen and solve the problem before they leave my office. However, what have I taught them? Exactly! "Anytime I have a problem, I'll go to Chad and let him solve it, give direction or help place the blame on someone else."

There comes a time when we simply have to face the challenges in our lives and stop backing down. For every problem that a person brings to me I ask that they give me three solutions and as a leader or parent I make sure they leave equipped to solve the problem. You'll never win the blame game, so why even bother to play? The blame game is a game with no winners.

Blaming others is never acceptable with me. Because playing the blame game doesn't work, and while you're playing it, neither do you. I'll end with this quote from A.W. Tozer.. "The main thing is this: we should never blame anyone or anything for our defeats."

"If SHE could just change" by Brad Hodges

RECAP:  Every couple at some point complains, “We do the same things over and over and over again!”  When a marriage gets wedged in a monotonous rut , the vacuum of intimacy sucks each spouse dry.  It is exhausting and draining.  

In these "marriage humdrum" blog entries, we’ll look at a bunch of different warning signs that will help us identify marriage pits that most couples drift into.  And, we’ll look at the decisions necessary to having fun again together.

Marriage Humdrum Part 2
When marriage gets wedged in a rut, you can start playing the blame game.  The temptation when describing your marriage problems is to look around at your situation or spouse as the problem to fix.  However, James 4:1-3 tells us:

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you?  Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?  You desire and do not have, so you murder.  You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel.  You do not have, because you do not ask.  You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.

One of the best ways to improve your marriage is to draw a circle around yourself and work on changing everyone inside the circle.

The problem isn't primarily your circumstances or your spouse; it is the selfishness and sinfulness within your own heart.  You are broken and have a part in why your marriage isn't where it should be.

Also, when you look to your wife as the source of a great marriage, you blame her as the source of all your problems.  "If she would just do this."  "If she would understand this, we could move forward."  "If she would just stop saying that, things would be a lot better."

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.  God is love.  Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.   1 John 4:16

We are not the source of life; she is not the source; God is.  No matter how hard I try, I cannot generate, produce, or manufacture love and forgiveness.  It's impossible because we are not the source.  We forgive because He first forgave us.  We love because He first loved us.  He is the only source.

I am the way and the truth and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me.  John 14:6

Jesus is not only the way we come to God, but He's also the way we stay connected to God.  The gospel isn't just for unbelievers; the gospel's also for Christians.  God is our source of power in life, and we connect to Him through a passionate relationship with Jesus Christ.

Do you want to enjoy life with your wife?  It starts by unplugging from her as the source of happiness.  God gave me my wife so she and I could walk through the sometimes grinding life together.  She is my best friend.  But Jesus is my source for sanctification, not Raegan.

So this week, take your finger and point it at your wife.  If she's not present, pretend.  With gusto say, "You're fired!"  Then, take a second and explain what you just did.  You just fired your wife as the source of happiness in your marriage, the source of problems, and the source of life.